Is It Difficult to Become "One"?

“Becoming One Flesh - 1 Corinthians 7:3-6”
(Why there may be difficulty)

Some people who have been abused, neglected, controlled, exploited, manipulated, coerced, conned, or disrespected have been given little or no voice or freedom in past relationships, even if they are Christians. Little or no help is truly available in today’s church that really deals with core issues. Many in the church are affected in such ways as well as outside the church.

Some have a difficult time receiving “REAL” love and also have difficulty “GIVING” true love, because those in their past who were in leadership/power/authority positions to give love just didn’t. Or, those who were to be examples of love including family members, pastors, Sunday school teachers, friends and coaches just didn’t come through for them when it was needed most. Consequently… the mystery, questions, pain, confusion and uncertainty of how to love remain until God brings healing, clarification and wholeness. We don’t need more sermons on love; we need pure and consistent demonstrations of unconditional love that meet our needs, which are based in God’s truths about love.

Blocking, freezing and numbing of emotions occurs when real love doesn’t take place in one’s life. Christians seeking help may turn to pastors. They meet and pastors give a few sessions of counseling and then say, “I’ll pray for you.” Most pastors do not look for, nor do they know how to accurately discern the root problems surrounding many issues, nor do they embrace the Biblical model of man being spirit, soul and body. Thus the person hurting continues to stumble through their forest of discouragement, not knowing where to turn. Basic pastoral ministry involves a degree of counseling. To not seek training or resources for hurting people is an injustice to God, truth, the church, the naive, the seeker and to life in general.

As a trained social worker, family therapist with over 12,000 logged hours, ordained minister and Christian of 36 years, there’s not much I haven’t seen. Many who have felt discouraged from past experiences when they sought help and desperately needed hope in the midst of despair and darkness wind up in my office telling me their stories. Some you wouldn’t believe.

In short, Christians need to be truly discipled in how to love. There are many components to love. Most of all, the Father’s love, the Son’s love and the Holy Spirit’s love need to be experienced before anyone can give true love according to I Corinthians 13.

David Hammock. Copyright © 2009. All Rights Reserved.