David Hammock: How Do We Know If We Really Love The Way God Wants Us To?

WHAT IS THE BASIS FOR LOVE?

From the beginning of creation God has always loved and had a desire to be loved. Respectfully speaking, God was lonely when He created Adam because God wanted someone like Himself to love and someone to freely love Him back. (Billy Graham, June 7, 1972) We don’t always look at creation that way do we?

God is truth, He is holy and He is love. That is at the core of His being. It isn’t an attribute or a quality…it is who God is. ( I John 4:8) It is His very essence.

Inasmuch as we were created in the image of God (Gen. 1:27), to give him glory, (I Cor. 10:31, Mt. 5:16) we were created to be creatures of love. The glory of God is the manifestation of God’s perfection and distinction on the earth and loving is the highest form of glory we can give to God. Remember: "Faith worketh by love.” (Galatians 5:6)

Psychologists agree that every man, woman, boy and girl wants two things: 1-They want someone to love them and 2- They want to love someone back in return.

The heart of the Bible is found in Jesus’ two greatest commandments: “Love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, soul, mind and strength and love thy neighbor as thyself.” (Deut. 10:12, Mt. 22:37, Mk. 12:30).The Bible tells us: “If you love me, keep my commandments.” (John 14:15)

We’re also told in the Bible to “Love thy neighbor as thyself.” (Gal. 5:11). This is a healthy and holy self self-love that must precede loving your neighbor according to this Scripture. It is not selfish to love yourself; it is pride if you don’t and a spirit of false humility is at work.

Jesus told His disciples, “By this all men shall know that ye are my disciples if you have love one for another.” (John 13: 34-35) It was a sign, or an indication, or a trademark to distinguish Christians from others that they would love “one another.” “One another” is our brothers and sisters in Christ. That’s how people know we are different…or rather how they should know we are different, by the love we share that surpasses the love of man, or conditional love. God’s love is unconditional.

Of course, we all know the greatest example of love, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have everlasting life.” (John3:16)

The Bible tells us, “Greater love hath no man than he lay down his life for his friend.” (John 15:13). This gives us a description of what God’s love is like. It is self-sacrificing; it is aware of the needs of others. True love pays attention to someone besides ourselves.

The Bible tells us, “Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church.” I’ve asked God the meaning of this from His perspective many times. Let me give you His answer. Jesus Christ carried the church in his womb until it was birthed. He trained it, nurtured it, disciplined it, shared it, expanded it, continues to intercede for it, and works with the Holy Spirit even now to make sure that the gates of hell do not prevail against it. That’s real love.

We all know the love chapter in the Bible, I Corinthians 13. It remains a challenge to us all, each and every day. Dying daily (I Cor. 15:13) is the only way to step into this kind of agape love, or unconditional love on a regular basis.

Peter was asked by Jesus three times before Jesus ascended back to heaven, “Peter, do you love me? Feed my sheep. Peter do you love me? Feed my sheep. Peter do you love me? Feed my sheep.” Jesus obviously knew what Peter's response was going to be. What Jesus was prompting Peter to question was the real depth of Peter's love for Jesus. Jesus wanted Peter to grasp, appropriate and and extend all of the love that Jesus had given to him, because above all else, the message of Jesus was a revolutionary message of LOVE, that could not be confined to a temple, or a set or rites, rituals, ceremony or a written doctrine. Love is a doctrine of action, not words. Jesus was saying, don't just tell the people; show the people who I am. Show them I am love and that my love resides in your heart Peter, and they can also experience the wonder of the Kingdom, which is "righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit."

These are all clear examples of God’s plan for mankind to love.

Michael W. Smith singing "Somebody Love Me"

THE GREAT STRUGGLE WITH LOVE

American society and the world over are starving for love.

Women desperately want the love of their husbands in ways many husbands don’t comprehend. Husbands want their wives to love them differently than many do. Children sometimes don’t even know where their parents are and they live under the same roof. One father said “I really love my kids. I spend at least 10 minutes of quality time with them every night before they go to bed.” 50% of America's youth are the products of single parent homes. They are desperate for the stability of true love. The greatest gift parents can give their children is the assurance, security and confidence that they truly love one another.

Kids are desperately lonely for the love of friends, boyfriends, girlfriends and people they know that love them for who they are, not what their capabilities are and their performances reveal.Many young look for love in all the wrong places becasue they haven't been shown the right places to find love, or the people they should be able to depend on love for, just haven't "been there" for them. This leads to confusion, doubt, fear, and questions about truth and relationships that impact their preparation for adulthood. "Train up a child in the way that he should go and when he is old he will not depart." Conditional love in childhood leads to dysfunctional adulthood, that the Holy Spirit has to untangle later. Many times this takes years.

The world doesn’t really need another oral sermon on love as much as they need a pure, and consistent demonstration of Godly love. We have become so disconnected from one another as far as “real” love is concerned that we have settled for a discounted version or even a counterfeit version of love, because many no longer believe that the real love they are so desperately trying to believe in and deeply desire even exists anymore. Many have simply given up, just hoping to find something close to what they want. They have deluded themselves into thinking “I have to find my best option.” People do this with their mates, churches, jobs, homes, dreams, and friends. Consequently, finding a person who is genuine or real is a modern day challenge for the serious love-seeker.

“God commended His love to us that while we were yet sinners, God loved us.” (Romans 5:8). In spite of where we were and who we were, unconditionally, God loved us and He still does. God's love is real and it does not change. We can't qualify for it, or send heaven an application to receive it. It has already been extended to man, since his fall in the Garden of Eden. It's simple a matter of responding to God by accepting His love, not rejecting it.

“Love covers a multitude of sins.” (I Peter 4:8). We’ve all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and some of us don’t even believe we can truly love, but God thinks different. His ways are not our ways. His ways and His thoughts are higher than ours, because all things are possible to him that believeth. It is truly possible to experience true love through a relationship with Jesus Christ. All other love pales in comparison and is conditional.

The goodness of God (love) leadeth a man to repentance. (Romans 2:4). Repentance is the gateway to the freedom of God needed to love. “Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.” God can set all men free to love, and “nothing can separate us” from God’s loving power. Accepting God's love as He designed it to be is our only hope of walking in real love.

Despite the overwhelming obstacles against love, God’s love can destroy them all.

WHAT CAN WE DO?

WARNING: Consider issues of the past in your life that are unresolved.

Examine any generational curses, ungodly beliefs, spirit/soul ties or demonic oppression that may be in the way. Love is a garden that must be tended. It can grow, or wither, but doing it God’s way always works. Look at your past experiences with those who have said "I love you" to you and what happened. Look at where you are now. Allow God to unravel hidden memories, unresolved conflicts or subconscious thoughts and emotional hurts and scars. Look at how you view authority. Does God still need to heal areas of your life impeding you from loving the way that is possible for you to love? This will impact your entire belief system about the subject of love. All of your love responses are filtered through these past experiences. Give God total control of them and agree with Him (Amos 3:3) so that your “love identity” can blossom and your “love destiny” can be fulfilled. Allow God to bring healing to the soul. He can and He will if you let Him.

1-Take the initiative. If you want friends…show yourself friendly. Don’t wait for someone else to initiate it to see if you get what you want. (Mt. 7:12, Mt. 22:39). The same principle applies to love. Be willing to love and seek to give rather than receive. “It is more blessed to give than receive.” “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Remember the golden rule and apply it. It does no good to hang words on a plaque in your house and quote it and put it on greeting cards, to smile for a few minutes and then "get back to reality." Love is the reality that we were designed by God to experience each and every day, no matter what our circumstances are. Live it. “Be a doer of the Word.” (James 1: 22-25). Love is action. Truth, then faith (action) must occur before the feelings come. We often wait until it “feels” like time to love. "Faith without works is dead" and "faith worketh by love." Love is an act of the will. Love is choice. “Choose you this day whom you will serve” indicates, loving God is a choice. So is loving yourself and others.

2-Listen to God and listen to others. Become a student of love. Learn how to love. We all have much to learn about love.

3-Have a teachable spirit- one of humility. Humble yourself and be exalted. (James 4:10, Mt.23:12, I Peter. 5:6). You can always receive from God easily when you remain in this position.

4-Learn another person’s love language. Gary Chapman’s “Five Languages of Love” speaks of this. Some people like things given to them; others like things said to them; some people respond to touch and there are other ways people receive love. Remember, everyone has a different love language. We give love in certain ways that maybe others can’t receive and vice versa.

5-Be observant. Be aware. Be available, accessible, present, responsive, accepting, affirming, and sensitive to others. These are keys to knowing another person that you may be perceived as lovable, that their safety is important to you and you will be better equipped to love the person who is the object of your love.

6-Jeremiah 33:3 says, “Call unto me and I will answer thee and show the great and mighty things which thou knowest not.” Knowing how to love someone else is a mighty thing. Ask God how to love. God want you to know how to love. He doesn’t want you to perish trying (Hosea 4:6). Knowledge precedes understanding. Knowledge, understanding, discernment and wisdom from God are Divine keys to loving. Just ask God for them. He’ll give them to you.

7-“His strength is made perfect in our weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9) Allow God’s Spirit to empower you to love. (Zechariah 4:6) Your human abilities are not able to match God's.

8-Ephesians 3:20 says, “He is able to do exceedingly and abundantly beyond anything we can ask or imagine according to His power that worketh in us.” Just imagine what love could really be like in your life with God’s power doing the work inside of your heart? Allow God's creative and infinite love to change you in order to share it with others. Love is God's grestest sign, wonder or miracle. Become an instrument of God's love and your life will drastically change.

9-Become a student of another you are called to love. We’re all different from one another. As someone once said, "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care."

10-Experience the mind of Christ, the renewed mind, the prosperity of your own soul, your own maturity in loving God and self in order to love others. He’ll take you where you need to go. John 8:32 says “Ye shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.” That applies to love. “The Holy Spirit will lead you and guide you unto all truth.” (John 14:26, Luke 12: 11-12). God isn’t interested in keeping you in the dark. God is light and wants you to walk in the light of His love.

11-Prefer one another in love. (Romans 12:10, John 15:15, John 1:11-13). Once you learn to love yourself, there is great victory in celebrating the life of another. Watch how it will change your world.

12-Love your enemies (Matthew 5:44). Love is the greatest weapon you have in defeating the enemy.

13-Speak the truth in love. Bear one another’s burdens. Weep with those who weep. Pray one for another. Go with a man a second mile. Be a good Samaritan. These are all practical ways to know if you really love someone. It’s about what you’re doing, not what you’re saying, or feeling or even thinking. Love is real and it is practical. It isn’t a "goose bump" experience that you wait to come upon you, like a breeze so it will “feel” right. If the Bible says it’s right…it’s right.

CONCLUSION:

Some people who need to be loved the most will let you love them the least. Some people, it seems just enjoy watching you try to love them and we wonder why. Many whom we hold the dearest in our hearts still won’t let us love them. But we can love them completely; it just might not look the way we think it should. If people won’t accept our love, we can’t make them. If someone’s hands are closed, we can’t pry them open. We can only make the offer. Sometimes…we can only love them from a distance. But we can still love them…no matter what. Jesus loved the very men who crucified Him. “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do,” were some of Jesus’ final words. Can we love this way?

At the end of life, all that will matter will be how well you loved…not how many companies you built, books you wrote, how much money you made, or how many people knew you, what your resume says or what your newspaper obituary says about you. And the thing about it….it’s up to you. God wants you to love and He wants you to be loved. God wants you to love Him and He wants to love you back.

Remember the words, “Our Father, who art in heaven….it’s pretty hard not to love your Father if he’s good. Imagine how good your heavenly Father wants to be to you. He wants to “know” you, or have intimacy in the way He related to you. But he will only stand at the door and knock (Rev. 3:10)…you have to let His love in.

The safety of God’s love is found in His presence. “Seek my face,” we are told. Too often we want God’s intervention. Too often we want relief. He wants relationship…that’s where all of your power and all of the answers to your questions about love can be found. And believe it or not….we know very little about love.

His ordered steps are the journey of love. God will tell you anything you need to know and He’ll supply all of your needs to love, and allow you to love everyone in your path (Philippians 4:19, 4:13). The secret place of the most high (Ps. 91) is in His presence. Love will be a place of rest and stillness for your soul, no matter what the outer circumstances look like and feel like.

Remember what Jesus said in John 15:5 “Without me you can do nothing.” What is impossible with man is possible with God. It is more blessed to give than receive. Abide in the vine and bear the fruit of love, then go and give it away. It isn’t love if you keep it; it’s only love when you give it and give it freely. Drink from the well of heaven and you will never thirst. Give someone a drink of the cool waters of love in Jesus’ name. Then watch what God will do with the seeds you sew into another’s life. One day…you will reap. Don’t ever give up on love. God didn’t give up on love and you’ll never have to go hungry for it again.